Nintendo Switch

Written by The Boo

So, who saw this one coming?

Not me that’s for sure. I honestly thought that this time around Nintendo would actually make a console without a gimmick.

Well aren’t I the silly fool for thinking that.

I never owned an NES or a Super Nintendo (My sister owned the SNES while I was more a Sega Megadrive person) but I did get a Nintendo of my own in the form of the fantastic Nintendo 64. Oh, take a drink every time I type Nintendo, you need to have 5 drinks to catch up until now. I will not be paying for your hospital bills.

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I loved that machine. Anyone remember Goldeneye? How about Ocarina of Time? Yeah, you remember why this console was simply fantastic. It had great games, and while the controller looks kind of weird, it was strangely comfortable and easy to use. This console was also home to WWF No Mercy, easily the best wrestling game of all time. Yes, there still hasn’t been a wrestling game to date that has out performed No Mercy. Sure it still used cartridges, while Playstation was making waves using CD’s, but we didn’t care, this thing just worked, had great games, and made getting a group of 4 people together to play a game a very simple task.

Next up was of course the Game Cube. Again, I didn’t have one of these, but I did play one for quite a bit as a room mate owned it and it was still a fantastic machine with some great games on it. The controller went through another change, a slight step back from the N64, but it still worked just fine.

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Then the Wii came along…

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I hate this thing.

It’s just wrong on so many levels.

Now, I admire what Nintendo (drink!) where trying to do. Get us off our butts and moving around but for me, that defeats the whole purpose of sitting back, relaxing after a rough day, and playing a game. Because for a lot of people, that’s what gaming is, a time to relax and forget about the troubles of the day.

I’m not a fan of motion controls, and never will be. While I’m coordinated and dexterous enough to be able to paint miniatures and play guitar, I can never get those still damn motion controllers to do what I want them to.

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Oh, now we get a portable for our console… Wonderful.

I never wanted a screen on my controller. But hey, Nintendo (drink!) likes doing funny silly things. It was at this point I had given up all hope with Nintendo and their consoles (Panda and I do still own a Wii and quite the box full of Gameboy/DS’ though) and had resigned to the fact that Nintendo (drink!) can only make great handhelds.

Then I heard about the Nintendo (drunk yet?) NX and it had me curious. I seriously was thinking they were going back to form. I was, hopeful. I had a light in my heart once more. Things, were looking up.

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Boo is an idiot.

I barely have any words for this console, that isn’t a console, that’s also a handheld you can take into the bathroom with you… Or outside, because that’s what parents want. A child taking out a few hundred dollar machine outside to play, when all the parent wanted was for the kid to kick a ball.

The teaser trailer reminded me of everything wrong with Nintendo. This Switch has so many gimmicks, it’s baffling. You can break down the controller and attach it to the screen that docks into a charging hub/station but also split apart the controller to make two tiny controllers for two people to use. You can take the screen part anywhere! You know, just like a Gameboy! Or a tablet.

The plus side to all this though is they finally have outside gaming developers on board this time around, so at least it will get a few decent games this time that aren’t Nintendo only.

But if I was ever to get one of these, I doubt I would ever un-dock the screen, since, well, I like to sit in the comfort of my home while gaming.

Not walking around outside with my head down walking into traffic…

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I have the feeling Nintendo is trying to kill us all…