Don’t you just love talking with friends?
Don’t you love how when you’ve finally found those people in life who encourage you to be a better person, who push you to do better, who make you more you?
Not me that’s for sure.
“What? Boo you’re so mean!”
That I am. But first, let me explain how a standard conversation goes with my friends and those I am thankful for having in my life.
Now to keep the innocent parties safe, I’ll change the names so JD knows I’m not talking about him in this one.
So I got a message from Brandon (JD) about his wife hosting an online makeup party. Crazy right? I mean, what’s an already “handsome as Thor in a bikini covered in whipped cream” (Thanks Panda) man need with make up products?
It was at this point Brandon mentioned that the invite wasn’t for me, but for Panda. Which in hindsight, makes a lot more sense.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Where the hell is this going? What if I told you that a simple question about attending an event for make up could lead to board games from the 80’s and defecating on DVD’s?
Got your attention now don’t I?
You see, it’s those little micro bursts of thought that pop into your brain during a conversation that will eventually dictate the finality of a conversation.
Brandon’s message was a simple one. “Would Panda be interested in a make up party?” But of course my brain being what it is, had already lined up at least 378 followup questions that could follow. The first being, “What’s it like where you live?”
Of course, that’s a bit of a jump from a simple question about an event to a much larger question regarding economic status, social interactions, wildlife, housing, government and overall sustainability of a happy life in the persons domestic area.
Now the answer to my question could have simply been ignored. And in truth, should have. But Brandon was not so smart on this day. Instead, Brandon gave me quite a bit of information on his lifestyle and what it was like to live in his area at this time. Which of course, triggered a further 673 questions/statements in my feeble brain to follow up with. But I’m holding back today, and try and keep the conversation about different places to live in Canada.
Until that glorious moment when Brandon was talking about something I wasn’t really paying attention to but heard the words “board game”. BAM! Boo is off to the races with now 1989 thoughts in his brain to which must be presented to Brandon in the quickest way possible. At this point, it’s clear, there is only Boo, and there is only what Boo can educate Brandon on. For the next 37 most painful and excruciating minutes of Brandon’s life, Boo begins to talk about the history of board games and why the select 132 games Boo mentioned, Brandon must seek out and find!
It’s at this point that I finally (and stop referring to myself in the third person) realise that I’m dominating the conversation and feel somewhat bad about it and quickly ask Brandon (Remember that’s JD) to change the topic to something else that he knows a lot about and that I don’t.
Now you should all know what happens to a conversation from this point on. You’ve all had it, you’ve all done it. But it goes straight into the gutter.
And I’m not talking about that slow veer into the corner, no I mean “pedal to the floor wheel locked high beams on were going into that gutter no matter what” type of direction.
So to change the topic, Brandon quotes something we both know. But alas, the quote can be used for two things one good, and one bad. And that’s where the mentally deficient side of me kicks in and immediately thinks of the bad one.
So it’s no shock that I despise Michael Bay and his movies and this leads to the comment that ended the conversation: “I will buy a damn copy of his crappy Transfomers movie, throw it in the toilet, and take an epic level dump on it.”
That’s how you go from a simple question to taking a dump on a DVD. Now be careful, the next time someone asks you if you’d like a drink, warn them beforehand that could simply be a conversation they’re not ready for.
This article was in no way exaggerated, embellished, or completely made up. Maybe. Sorry JD, I mean, Brandon.